Most often developed in childhood, your attachment style dictates how you form relationships with family, friends, and significant others. Are you prone to fleeing at the first sign of intimacy? Do you love the chase of a relationship, but worry about rejection the minute your affection is returned? Do partners often say you’re hot and cold depending on the day? You probably have one of the three insecure attachment styles: anxious/preoccupied, avoidant/dismissive, or disorganized/fearful. For those who have high self-esteem, can handle rejection, and view failed relationships in a mostly unbiased light, you’re sure to land solidly in the secure attachment style. Regardless of where you fall on the attachment style spectrum, here are some young adult LGBTQ+ novels that will appeal to the way you experience friendships and romance.
Anxious/Preoccupied
If you constantly need reassurance from your significant other, love flirting and receiving attention, and take the slightest disappointment in your partner’s actions as a relationship-threatening blow, you probably have an anxious/preoccupied attachment style. Individuals with this style have a hard time being single, struggle with low self-esteem, and are often clingy with their romantic partners or friends. They develop an immense fear of rejection while in a relationship and are extremely dependent on those they have relationships with. As someone who gets a severe confidence boost from attention, tropes like love triangles, forbidden love, and slow burn feed right into what you like most about relationships. The attention from two different people without having to choose one? A great confidence boost. Your romantic partner defies their family, circumstances, even fate to be with you? That’s got to feel good. Realizing too late you’re in love with that idiot you’ve been running around with? Well, your fear of rejection is moot. You’re well past that point, now. Read these to satisfy your anxious/preoccupied heart:
Avoidant/Dismissive
If you’re not afraid to be alone (in fact maybe you even prefer it), tend to focus more on your professional development, and only let relationships get to surface level before you go running, you, like me, have an avoidant/dismissive attachment style. Characterized by getting annoyed by romantic partners for the smallest things, seeking out reasons to end a relationship for “no reason,” and going running the minute things get serious, the avoidant/dismissive style features a high view of the self and a low view of others. As the kind of person who flees at any sign of intimacy, tropes like stuck together/bed-sharing, fake dating, and dare-dating are right up your alley. You can’t avoid someone you’re trapped with, right? And you skip past all that fear when every touch, kiss, and feeling is pretend. Read these and feel seen from a distance, just like you like it:
Disorganized/Fearful
If bits and pieces of both anxious/preoccupied and avoidant/dismissive feel like they fit you, you might be a disorganized/fearful. Characterized by swinging wildly between both, people who have this attachment style desire closeness, but are unable to develop the deep connection they desire. The process of trusting people is scary or even painful. They often feel misunderstood and are summarized by the phrase “come here, go away.” As someone who identifies with both of the attachment styles above, tropes like found family, friends-to-lovers, and soulmates are sure to satisfy. Having a band of people, willing to fight anyone who harms you? That trust is hard earned and you’d fight for them too. Having a friend you already trust, and for a long time, confess their feelings? Great, now you don’t have to open yourself up to someone new. Found your soulmate? Even better. They can’t reject you, right? Read these to prove you deserve that connection you so desire:
Secure
If you’re able to connect easily, trust a lot, and believe you’re worthy of love, you’ve got a secure attachment style. Romantic slights, friendship break-ups, and falling outs hurt, sure, but you’re able to bounce back. Just because something bad happened doesn’t mean you can’t love again. You’re able to objectively see what happened and do better next time. As someone who can deal with a lot and still recover, you can read anything. Monster boyfriends, second chance romances, enemies to lovers, it’s all free rein. You know there are monsters in the world, yes, and hey, maybe they deserve love too. Had your heart broken? Oh well, you’re open to trying again. And that enemy of yours? Maybe they did horrible stuff, but you know, deep down, they’re worthy of love the same way you are. Read these to dig into the messier areas of love and come out full of hope, just like you always do:
